Matthew 7:1-2 and 3 and 4 and especially 5

I was wrong about something.  Don't laugh but I'm rarely outwardly and completely wrong.  I hate to be wrong.  I mean, REALLY hate to be wrong.  And I don't mean in the "I can't be wrong.  I'm always right" kind of way.  But I genuinely want to be right.  I want to make the right choices. 

Here’s the situation: We had just moved up to NY, literally three miles from my in-laws. I have a very tumultuous relationship with my mother-in-law. I’ve learned in the ten years my husband and I have been together that she’s vying for first place and intentionally makes her place known. Gotta love God and the Marine Corps because we just happened to get stationed right next to them. Well, we drove one of our cars up to NY early. We had intended to park it in my husband’s best friend’s drive-way until we got up here, but his mother was insistent on us parking it at her house. Okay. Fine. Doesn’t matter. It’s only for a few weeks. So we park it under their deck and head on our way.


Now, just to put it into perspective, I already had issues with her. Not for any past issues, but my son had come up early and stayed with them so he could start practicing with his new football team before school started. A completely uncalled for situation came up with him that I was already fired up about. So I call my mother-in-law to ask her to send me a copy of the car’s registration. We need this for paperwork that we need to do for our move. She says she will. So after about a week, I called her to remind her. She says that she hasn’t been able to get it because the car is never there, that Paul’s dad has been driving the car since we dropped it off and it’s never at the house. I didn’t really have a reaction at first, except confusion because Paul hadn’t mentioned this to me. Turns out, Paul didn’t know about his father using the car. So we’re both upset. This is an older car, one that we plan on giving to Jase when he gets his license. And his father drives over 100 miles each way to work every day.

We don’t do anything about it in the moment because we literally are going to be up there in a week. So fast forward to when we get up there. We go over to their house and his father pulls Paul aside and tells him he had driven the car for a few days and thanks him because his car had broken down and he needed to get a part. It was that simple. His car broke down. He drove it for a few days until he was off and could fix his own car. And then he reparked our car and drove his own. No big deal. Could he have told us? I guess. But the reality is, he was in a bind and there was a car, his son’s car, sitting there and he used it. No big deal.

So what do I learn about myself from this situation? Something profound actually. I am a judgmental person. I actually never would have guessed that about myself. I’m extremely liberal. I believe, for the most part, in live and let live. I don’t judge people by their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social status, number of piercings or tattoos, color of lipstick, boxers or briefs, blonde, brunette, purple, anything like that. I literally just care about your content of character. And that doesn’t even have to be by the standard that I choose to live my life. Basically, I’m non-judgmental. Right?

Apparently not. I don’t judge how you look. But I certainly judge your actions. I judge situations and I make assumptions based on those judgments. Matthew 7:1-2, 5 says:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use. It will be measured to you.

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

That is a kick right in the teeth. I judged the situation, and Paul’s father , in a situation that was not at all worthy of my judgment. I would have done exactly the same thing in the same situation. You can best believe if my son had his car parked at my house and my car went down. I would drive his. I would assume that I could. We’re family. I’m in need and I know that he would want to help. I was wrong, and worse, I was a hypocrite. That’s a tough pill to swallow. If I would have taken my anger and emotions – my plank, if you will – out of my own eye, I would have been able to “see clearly.” And in this situation, I would have seen that there were no specks in my brother's (or father-in-law) eye.

"...keep your head in all situations..."

That's what it says in 2 Timothy 4:5.  What it actually says is "But YOU, keep your head in all situations.." (caps mine), which I read as "But you, STEPHANIE, keep your head in all situations" because that scripture, although written thousands of years of ago, was written for me.  I'm sure of it.  It's comforting, and a little annoying, to know that when that scripture was penned and then translated and retranslated and retranslated again, God ensured that MY scripture stayed intact and in a way I could understand it.  The only thing it's missing is exclamation points, underlines, and bold lettering. 

It's funny to find that scripture today seeing how I failed so miserably at everything Christian today.  I didn't know it was possible to fail so miserably at something so many times in one day.  Well, let me tell you, It is possible.

So should I start with the excuses first or just move into what happened?  I think I'll start with background, excuses and then situations.  Hope that works for everyone.  So I'm on the rifle range this week.  For those of you who don't know, Marines have to qualify shooting a rifle one a year (hence the phrase "Marines are basic riflemen").  For my rank, I also have to qualify with a pistol but that's next week.  Anyway, so this week is range week.  We have to be there early, fire our weapons, pull the targets for the other shooters and then go about our day.  It's a long and tiring day.  Very long, very tiring. 

So we get done shooting and pulling pitts, our day should be over right?  No.  The Marine Corps powers that be have decided that the relay that I'm on should be the relay that does a working party staying late to make targets for qual day.  Now, you have to understand, in the military once you've gotten to a certain rank, all this working party stuff should be null and void.  You leave this stuff for the lower ranking kids because...well, because thats the way it goes.  But no, the people running the range decided that my relay (which incidentally is the relay that had all of the higher ranks on it) should be the relay to make the targets.  Fine, whatever.  We make targets, do a clean up and go about our day (almost three hours after the junior Marines were let go). 

Here's where it gets interesting, the person who I was riding with decided that he absolutely HAD to stop at West Point and pick up a movie that came out today.  HAD to stop.  With three other people in his car who only wanted to go home.  and for a MOVIE, a MOVIE, people.  Oh, and did I add that it's over a half hour out of the way?  Yeah, do you see where I'm going with this?  You have to know this is not going to end well.  BUT in a move that proves to me that I can be changed, I simply say, "I would rather go home, but it's your car."  Yes, that's it.  That's all I said.  His response?  "What the hell is your problem?"  Yep.  That was it.  I can't even write what I said but it looked something like this, bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep.  You know you've accomplished something when Marines are standing there with their mouths hanging open in utter awe.  Now THATS an accomplishment.

But alas, my standards are not from man (and certainly not Marines) but from God.  I'm just grateful for God's Word correcting me with a firm but gentle voice telling me exactly what he expects of me.  "So you, Stephanie, keep your head in ALL situations."

Till next time.

And now, submission

Have you ever started a project -- or better yet, have you ever avoided a project because you knew that not only would you be working on the task at hand, but other tasks would come out of it?  Yeah, that's how I feel about this journey.  I assumed going into it that the road to a gentle, quiet spirit would include detours in other heart issues, I just wasn't sure when that would happen or how long we'd stay there. 

Well, our first pit stop is submission.  Truth is, I've been working on submission a lot longer than I've been working on a gentle, quiet spirit.  Submission is actually the reason I started on this journey to begin with.  Believe it or not, submission is the one area that I have made radical outward change.  Yes, in the area of submission. I've taken great pains (and yes, it's painful) to not yell at my husband, or demean him, to step back and allow him to lead, to support him and love him and be a safe place for him. 

This has not always been the case.  In fact, it's never been the case.  I have been awful to my husband, down-right evil at times under the premise of making "us" beter.  I was easily offended, easily agitated and easily set off.  And him, more than any other, has paid the price.  The problem with being a fighter is you tend to fight those closest to you.  They have the most access, the most opportunities to hurt or upset you.  Ultimately, I didn't trust anyone, didn't assume that anyone had my back or even had good intentions when it came to me, espeicially my husband.  Life has taught me that those who are supposed to love and protect me, wont.  And my husband walked right into that.

So in the three years that I've been a Christian, I've mastered the art of biting my tongue, allowing him to lead, and not verbally criticizing or attacking him.  But here's what I've realized:  Acting submissive isn't the same as BEING submissive.  Three years later, I'm still as defiant in my mind and heart as I was the day I got baptized.

In the Marine Corps, us lowly enlisted folks have to be respectful to officers.  We have to salute when they walk by.  We have to address them as sir/ma'am.  We're supposed to follow their orders blindly.  In fact, disrespect is a chargeable offense in the Marine Corps.  And yet, no where does it say that we have to actually respect officers.  We just have to ACT respectful.  Do you see the distinction?  It seems so minor.  But when you're dealing with God that teenie-tiny difference could be the difference between heaven and hell.  

And that's what I've been doing to my husband (and God) -- acting submissive instead of actually being subbmissive.  He probably doesn't know the difference or  even care.  He's just happy to have me off his back constantly.  But God knows.  He knows that my inner spirit hasn't changed one iota.  Outward change means nothing when the inner change doesn't happen. 

So not only am I back at square one with a gentle, quiet spirit but I'm back at square one with submission too.  Fine.  God:  2, Stephanie:  0